One of my Facebook friends is asking a question to try to find out if a man should talk about divorce with his friends before sharing with his wife or vice versa.
I would advise a wife of husband not to talk about divorce issues with his friends before talking about it with his spouse. First and foremost, we have to understand that a married couple operates within certain boundaries that are meant to secure their marriage relationship. In a marriage relationship, friends are outsiders therefore it is wrong for a married person to first seek advice from friends. It is understandable that the temptation to talk to friends first is real, but it must be overcome. Somehow people tend to think that when they talk about the intention to divorce a spouse to friends it would help to ease up their pain. I doubt whether it really works that well because reactions from friends can be unpredictable and their motives can also be subtle at times. I believe that talking to friends about such a sensitive issue is just a means of trying to satisfy a feeling, but not really a proven way of resolving the issue itself.
In cases where a husband or wife talks about his intention to divorce a spouse to friends, there is always a possibility of trying to portray oneself as being good and a spouse bad. There is a possibility that the one talking to friends first would definitely try to paint a good picture of himself to them. Moreover, the motive behind the desire to tell friends can have a subtle way of trying to break that trust in the marriage. Remember that trust is the ingredient that holds the marriage together and being willing to discuss the issue with a friend first means the aim of breaking that marriage might have already been established by that spouse. Consulting with friends first would really just be a means of creating an alliance and not trying to resolve the issues at hand.
It is not advisable to talk to friend first on issues of divorce because no one can certainly be sure that someone who is so called a friend will hold a neutral position with what is discussed. A lot of people have lost their spouses to their so called best friends because they let them in into some inside information or issues. It is better to be careful about whom you talk to about your marriage issues. The best thing to do in such cases is to seek professional help. Profession help is better and safe because it is governed by a code of ethics and it provides evidence based treatment practices that are effective at helping people. Professional practices have proven to work for other couples and there is a greater chance they will work again and again. It is really better to receive help from a licensed marriage counselor than from a friend who knows nothing about ethics and has little objectivity. Moreover, it is not easy to figure out the motive your friend might have on issues like this one in your friendship. Definitely a couple must talk to each other about this issue first.
The other question is “If one spouse is involved in witchcraft, should the other leave the union?”. (To be continued).
- Adultery falls behind bad behaviour as leading grounds for divorce (theguardian.com)
- Bad behaviour behind more present day divorces than adultery (dnaindia.com)
- Is My Marriage Worth Saving? (bewellandlive.wordpress.com)